It’s particularly difficult to get over infidelity and the aftermath of spouse’s unfaithfulness can be difficult to handle. Both our heart and sacred vows during the wedding ceremony have been ripped simultaneously. The foundation of our relationship simply crumbles all around us. Many of us have sacrificed a lot for our relationship and handing it over for someone else can be very difficult to do.
After infidelity in a marriage, many people find that going back isn’t the best answer, but it is possible to move forward to achieve a stronger, happier and healthier relationship.
However, many people make mistake by trying to achieve a pre-affair relationship. While, it is a good idea to try to re-live those innocent times and recreate beautiful nostalgia; good memories and time of happiness could already be gone. The haunting and painful memories of cheating spouses are simply stronger. For this reason, it is important to get over infidelity. We need to realize that the past is already gone and it is time to make new memories.
If we don’t, it is easy to look back and it is more difficult to achieve happiness again. This could drag us into damaging and terrible negativity. The effort in restoring and rebuilding our marriage can be difficult to do. Establishing a new, better-than-before relationship is possible, but we should do this thing differently. In essence, we need to build new foundation for our renewed relationship:
1. Look for possible hotspots in marriage:
This is a critical part in dealing with infidelity. It is important to sit down with our spouse to discuss hotspots, crisis and troubles in the marriage. As an example, we should asses how we argue about something? Do you have mutual understanding on how to express opinions and affection? Are there important times, such as vacations, dates and movie nights.
Are there chores and tasks that are shared evenly by the couple? Do you agree on how much effort and work that need to be allocated to save the marriage?
2. Specify things that both of you need to agree on:
Once we can figure out possible hotspots in the relationship that may have caused marital discord and disagreements, it is important to take proactive and positive steps that are important for both of us. This allows us to come to an effective agreement with our spouse.
Infidelity could be caused by previous unsolved confrontations and it is important to deal with lingering issues. This exercise will be much more helpful if we write down all the solutions. We should consider creating a goal sheet that verbalizes our requirements.
3. Discuss and brainstorm:
After agreeing and writing down our requirements. We could formulate sensible plans to reach our goals. It is important to take forward-thinking and positive attitude. Due to indifference and neglect, our marriage could become increasingly boring and stale. Fresh and new ideas could be necessary. Develop solutions together as an effort to resolve any recurring problems.